Note From Self

The genuine smile he creates on her face when they touch is completed with the thoughts of their future together. Oh ignorant little girl your brain is clouded by your synthetic emotions. Although your dolls and toy bears are in the trash, your fragile innocence is transparent. What/who will help you when he breaks you heart and leaves. Just like the others. Have you not learned a thing from your repetative mistakes? Remember your priorities. Remember the pain. Remember the cold lonley nights where u will cry in  angish, at the thought of his name. The word "LOVE" is much too strong for you to express towards this temporary experience.
Take it from the proffesional darling.

Not just for women.

https://twitter.com/reIatabIe/status/662048863709241344?s=09

Update.

Its a path, a choice of life, a way to live. The years at its peak become clouded by GPA's and SAT's. My final year of adolescence wasted behind a screen and piles of homework. I feel insane, lost and confused. Although to others it may not matter, I stress in fear for my future. They need it , they EXPECT it from me. I plead to the sky, not for riches or wishes, but for happiness. It's all I ask for. Poor, hungry, homeless, but HAPPY!

hmmm

Check out @AmazinVoices's Tweet: https://twitter.com/AmazinVoices/status/652929766056685573?s=09

WE ARE ALL BUT ONE

I've lost it all.

The name.

The house.

Even the dog.

I walk under a cloud.

Loaded,

With words meant to describe death.

They see me and cringe,

With judgment in there eyes

Their heads face the sky.

Nor money or food do I beg as they fly.

A simple yet hard,

hi or good bye

I am no longer human,

In their sockets

I became more than an insect,

And less than a tiger

Little do they know

They are one of me.

We share he same prayers

And cry the tears.

We are all but one

Fighting our fears.

HIS LOVING CORPSE

He sat there, in a puddle of blood
not his, but hers
his lover, his desire, his corpse
waiting for death to relive him from the pain

He cherished their last good-bye
simply not enough
his heart and soul were gone

He thought about his life without her
pain rushed to his heart and tears drowned his eyes

She was gone
but not for good

He found it
the treatment
one to rejoice with his lover
let the slashing begin

He had decided to join her
whatever it takes

He had nothing to lose

His eyes grew tired
as the tub filled with death wishes and hope

He had shed every tear

His passion so strong that it trapped him
She lived in his heart

He slashed along his body
her name
the name of the woman he loved
the one who had given him so much

As he left the world of pain
it came to his mind how he did it
how he manged to depose every piece
his heart raced
but it was not his fault
he knew
he had given her all he had
yet it was never enough

His heart belonged to her
yet her's to someone else
but what was he to do without her

Now She was his
Now He was hers
there was no other way
now he she had to love him
death was his only escape

Human MIRRORS

I do not enjoy talking about feelings, therefore i write to remember i have any. They say its just my age..that everyone went though the same thing,then why don't they at least attempt to understand? I am sure what i feel. Empty. We are all troubled. By our fears, emotions and thoughts. I see pieces of my self dispersed in others. As if a human mirror.

ACCIDENTS DON'T HAPPEN.

i write as i think , therefore my brain has made mistakes that i publish.
the font, the choice of words, the spacing
all is in the moment
i do not stop and correct myself
i just write
i don't stop until my mind decides to jump to the next task
i re read after it is published
never correcting what you think is mistakes, is simply my fingers working faster than my thoughts
wonder is intentional, so are my words.

We all have, yet I wont

I say words I don’t mean, I do things I don’t understand, I am a child learning from lessons as they come.

I am one in this world filled with many walking along a plank ready to dive, yet not knowing how to swim.

We have thought of beautiful situations in our head, bound to never occur.

We have fought so hard to gain only regret.

We have tried with such intense passion which only lead to a shattered heart and a head on the verge of insanity, traumatized by the memories and broken promises. 

We have all imagined a new world. One were we do not exist. One with no money or problems. 

I know i am not alone, yet i feel as if i was. 

I know I will fail, yet i still try.

We are all scared of the unknown , the feeling of wonder and adventure.

We would much rather remain in routine, safe.

I don't want to be another victim of routine, I want to explore the world as it is, not through a screen. 

I want to riot through the streets, screaming and chanting for the rights we will lose. 

I WILL NOT want to be one of the many blinded by ignorance and treasure.

I want to be the first star to fall from the sky and create change, not just  pretty picture.

On the roof

Sitting and rethinking
all that was said, all that was done
the broken hearts and shattered windows
makeup done. outfit on. yet i sit on the roof with intent
thinking
the words truthfully meant
although never said, knowing she would react this way
she left
tears down her pale face
still no regret
she thinks to herself why?
she knows the excuses
she knows the reason
yet she questions
why?
after all shes done, all shes sacrificed
why?
its me
the problem
and the solution
my dissaperence would bring a party
filled with relief and joy
yet why do i still breathe
in such a cruel world
were violence is spread faster than prayers
i could cry and ask for forgiveness
and she will accept
but we all know the truth is
in two days
ill do it again
i learned to run
far and fast from my problems
what they don't realize is
there is only so far and so long
until all your problems catch up
and ill you
all at once
so do i blame myself for her tears?
yes
will i do it again?
yes
will i sit on this roof again
feet on the edge with a mind to jump
yes
but that's all part of growing up
inst it?

TEMPORARY

Wisdom and Understanding. Both great qualities that would make an exceptional human. However  as cheesy as it sounds, I believe we are all exceptional. Even the murders, psychopaths, terrorist, criminals, the Pope, our neighbors, mom, dad and siblings. What we all have in common is our willingness to be happy and experience love. Happiness to me is a temporary emotion, similar to anger, regret, pain, and especially love. These temporary emotions spiral in our brains everyday. The difference between qualities and temporary emotions are that we can develop and learn from qualities through time. Although emotions may seem like momentary lapses, we need them to develop wisdom. A human cannot be happy nor angry every second of everyday, nor can they feel love all the time. Therefore we all have a taste of those temporary emotions in special occasions, and believe it or not but it is those occasions which enhance our ability to understand each other. As an realist I see the world not negatively (how most people like to put it), but for what it really is. Temporary. So my question is, does our universal desire for temporary emotions define us or make us one?

RAPMAGE

I experienced sadness at such a young age. Not that I disagree with the way life has treated me,  but in fact I am grateful for all the damage and caous,  along with the laughter and smiles that I have received. It has made me not only a better person, but a more experienced one at that. I learned to trust myself and take responsibility for my actions. Always understanding that everything happens for a reason. As a female I experienced the way society constantly  underestimates me and sets limitations simply because I wear a skirt and not pants. Like the old fashioned mentality of a caged brain, ignorant of gender advancements. Our society runs on the fuel of the poor as the high class advances, while stepping on whom ever for more. "The more you have,  the more you want." Its the way we work,  the way we perceive the way we live. Like an addict always wanted to get a synthetic high,  resulting in permanent regret.

THE NEW

This started off being a gate way to my thoughts, however I realized why explore only my thoughts, when being an amateur makeup artist, a feminist, and most of all a troubled teenager in a society that pushes unrealistic expectations, I should share more than a couple thoughts, therefore today begins a new chapter in my blog. which is going to be kinda messy.This blog shall be a spread of fashion,entertainment, art, relationships, education, opinions and beauty. My life entirely For Those Who Can Relate.

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LET IT BEGIN

Oh darling when I'm in the mood to write, I can write let me tell you. I may be chaotic and grammatically incorrect most of the time but I understand my self and that is all that matters. I have this connection between my brain and fingers which leads me to have a marathon of writing until my fingers get numb. I usually need to review and edit my essays for English but this is much different this is between a screen and my soul. This is a one on one through a plastic control.

WELCOME WITH OPEN ARMS AND AN UNVEILED HEART

Welcome, (again)
 This is a blog referencing my constant state of mind and I invite you to interact as you wish through comments, emails and any form of communication. I started this blog after watching an old video of my self recorded years ago. In it I explain how unhappy I am and how I want to speak up, yet I felt that I stood alone. With that said, this website is personal and reflects my personal opinions towards multiple subjects. So excuse the improper grammar and punctuation, after all its a gate way to my mind, not a graded essay. I hope to reach out especially For Those Who Can Relate and Those Who Wish to Understand.